Accolades must go to Skip, Cowboy, Tink and those who organised the trip, however Skip will be stripped of all sightseeing events on future tours.  More of the G6 to come.  Injuries were of course par for the course, but their type varied from the physical to the chemical and emotional.  Here we go.

 Day 1 Beers at 4am, with a presentation of team shirts, horny goat weed and name tags.  “Don’t hassle the Hoff” was up all night preparing the Nasties “alter ego” identities, which added flavour to our tour.  Compulsory wearing of the name tags for day 1, for those who may stray or go MIA on tour. Upon arrival in Cairns, regulation policy would dictate the first outing MUST be to the closest pub.  Although it was not in the itinerary, this is unwritten law.  This was adhered to by all except the G6. 

For those of you, who havent already heard it, tune in to “In the gondola with Boy-Lo” for full descriptions of what happens to those that ignore the rules.  Penalties are still being considered by the committee for this clear insolence and disobedience, abandoning their team mates for the bonding session. By far and away the most amusing side to this tale, was the phone call by Flynnie to the Gondola operators, impersonating D.H as “Big boy Twoy’s lover”. 

Flynnie was white hot, carrying on the charade for a good 10 minutes and convincing to the point that the operator was concerned about Skip’s fear of heights, and that he was missing his anniversary lunch with his gay lover on their secret getaway to cairns, that she contacted the G6 to make them aware of those that were concerned.  GOLD.  This will never be forgotten. The rest of the day went according to plan.  Exercise was attained by the Pub Crawl, and the trek to Wille McBrides for function dinner.  

Day 2 – Game Day Match One, A draw against the Toothless Tigers.  Standouts in the game were Smalley on debut, no longer with the “Virgin” tag, and what a game he had.  Flynnie, or otherwise twinkle toes, scored the first and brilliant try with a long run.  Sin Bin our other scorer and all round workhorse.  Dimmi played a solid game at fullback with several try saving tackles.  Pup, excelled at half back, I can see a defection here.  The axe, Matty Read and Kiwi who all had huge efforts considering their night before, and last but not least, Johnny Fienieg who was the Nasty that played above his limits, he was a rock in defense and if not for some crunching hits, we would have lost the game. Match Two, literally a toss of the coin for a casino style win against Gove, as the game was stopped due to Adam Peate’s star studded performance to get the ambulance onto the ground for his dislocated elbow.  The game was a tough one with plenty of head highs from a bunch of miners intent on dislodging some Nasties heads. 

Could have been the trash talk we gave their big no.6 the night before at Wille McBrides, but they didn’t play with the right spirit.  Smalley got smashed in the red shorts ?? What the?? And Flynnie was pole axed whilst playing what looked like “tunnel ball”, cleaning up off the deck from a messy ruck.  Told me he could see stars as I reminded him that we stopped drinking last night and it was midday and 32 degrees.  Next was Colin who bravely took a huge head on smash from their no.6 knees, with credit to him, he got up and shook it off, only to see Peatsy go down and that was it.  If we play them again, it will not be pretty.  Best call of the match was from several nasties waiting for the ambo, who when the ambo pulled up and out hopped a couple of hot little chikki paramedics, feigned injury to be whisked away.  Through the pain, Peatsy enjoyed this bit. 

Match Three.  Skippy pretty well covered this one against the C-Niles, where the Nasties took the field as a striking resemblance to the walking wounded, but pulled out some dutch courage to draw the match in the dying minutes, and proudly walk off the field undefeated holding the Nasties name and legend high. With the wind in our sails, it was off to dinner at the Casino where the Nasties motto was “we are undefeated”.  Sadly this could not be said of the Wallabies that night as they dismally lost to the Kiwi’s, and poor old Benne’s dragons ran out of Puff as well.  Skip was not happy.  

Day 3 – Recovery After walking to one end of Cairns for the first nights function, today we ended up in the other end, butt f---k nowhere on the river in the middle of the industrial estate.  We did see all of cairns.  After two huge days and nights, the toll was starting to show as we rocked in for the tournament breakfast.  The axe was out for the count and if it weren’t for the trophies, we were out of there. 

The Cairns A grade league final was on, but a smart detour saw us end up on the waterfront for what will be to all those that were there, a memorable Nasties lunch. Starting with Nasties awards, speeches then took over, and I’ve never been in such an awe inspired show of bonding and mateship than this.  EVERY NASTIE SPOKE.  The Nasties have an amazing spirit, and it should be bottled.  With emotions flowing freely, and 19 of us getting stuck into a great seafood lunch, the amber fluids ran fast, accompanied by the red and the white. 

Pity the poor bastards surrounding our tables as the volume kicked up several notches with every passing hour.  It actually reached the point where a rendition of “you’ve lost that loving feeling” was carried out by several nasties in a presentation of champagne to a couple who braved our presence for in excess of 3 hours. 

Skip then took to being a viking and quoting rhyme and verse and Johnny Fienieg was on fire.  From that day forth, he shall be known as “Dundee”, and with such bravado in a naming ceremony, stepped up to the plate to challenge Skip in a sculling race. Wo, reliving this day makes the mouth water, what an afternoon, perhaps the highlight of the trip. 

CAN’T WAIT FOR THE NEXT TOUR