DAY 1 

Given that we struggle to get the lads to training on time each week I was surprised to see that we had all and sundry on deck and thirsty at the required 04:15AM on Friday morning. Thanks to KIWI for supplying the early morning refreshments.

They seemed to have gone down beautifully and before we knew it we were at CANNS and had already had 9 refreshments before 10:00. I had to keep reminding myself that’s its not even morning tea time on Day 1. After an excellent flight particularly up front in Row 1C, thanks QF1, the lads checked in and had a quick dip in the pool before descending on either a Pub Crawl or the very well maintained Sky Rail. 

All had been going fairly smoothly, with a rugby league team of 13 hitting the pub for some more refreshments and the G6 (Skip, Hoff, Tank, Pesty, Johnny & Sin Bin) embarking on a tropical rainforest experience with a twist. The Gondola ride would not only keep the G6 off the refreshments but also offer a glimpse of the glorious tropical North Queensland tropical rainforest. The G6 were cruising along the tree tops about 300 metres up from the ground and doing nicely and enjoying the serenity & company of their team mates when the gondola stopped. 

The stoppage was all good until the speakers came on in the gondola explaining of maintenance difficulties & the promise of movement soon. These announcements became more frequent & were a source of frustration as they were repeated loudly in 29 different languages. After about an hour of being suspended with the temperature hitting 50 and the gases flowing, we decided to let the remainder of the Nasties know of our plight, just in case it turned for the worse ! This caused our phones to go into melt down with a million text messages being received not of wishes of a speedy exit but with the fact that we were a huge source of hilarity ! We didn’t find it amusing, particularly as the maximum carry sticker stated 480 kilos and we were weighing in at well over 600 kilos. Skip was sweating it up, Hoff stopped laughing, Tommy was laughing his head off, Johnny was scared shitless as it had been decided that he would be the first Nasty eaten, Sin Bin was working and Pesty was trying to find cockroaches in the gondola at 300 metres up ? 

The calls and text messages were of disbelief & Boylo was called to do ‘In The Gondola with Boylo’, after that it was then believed that the G6 were in a little trouble.After 2 hours we were off and headed down without having undertaken the entire journey. Referring to the G6 (Gondola 6) and to much laughter Dim Sim was heard to have said “You cant get hurt in the pub” maybe the lads down at souths would argue against that. It was back to town for an excellent steak and a few refreshments whilst enjoying the hotels entertainment (band).

We then invited the remaining 13 to join us and they were then in awe of the entertainment that we had been enjoying. Back to the Hotel for a quick dip before heading to the otherside of town for an excellent welcome reception. For some an early night & for others no sleep at all. 

DAY 2 

A London style topless bus collected us at 08:00 to take us to the ground. The ground was an oasis in cairns, as we all expected a dust bowl, but were surprised to find an absolutely first class sporting facility. Tte advised that it was the best field that he had ever played on and Dimmy was salivating at the prospect of running the Dogs from such a palace. 

In our first match we played the Toothless Tigers, who had the brightest of jerseys, with massive frangipani flowers covering their jersey. The match started fairly slowly & ended in a draw with the Tigers, cheekily using their red and gold shorted players to full advantage, with one red shorted player even scoring a try ? 

This match marked the debut of Chris Smalley, NOTSO, and it must be said that he was inspirational. Notso, took it up and made a heapa great tackles. Well done NOTSO ! FYI, pup also played very well at halfback ! In our second match we played Gove. This proved to be a good but bruising tussle, with neither side prepared to give an inch, when after 11 minutes and at nil all Adam Peate, fell and dislocated his elbow requiring an ambulance and morphine before being taken to CANNS hospital in order to be knocked out to have the elbow popped back in.

It was good to see that Peatsy still had the grit to come back to the ground for a beer to support the lads in their final match against the seniles. For the record the match was called off and Pesty won a toss of the coin to take the match against Gove – well done Pesty. 

The final match provided arguably the finest Nasties on field performance ever. After 5 minutes we were 2-0 down & with only ten minutes to go the score line hadn’t changed when the piggies, including Tte, Skip, Pesty, Hoff, kiwi, The Axe, Sin Bin, Matty & Tink fired up and decided that we didn’t come to CANNS to go down this way. The piggies then started to clear out, hammer, pick & drive & maul like men possessed. Ray went within centimetres of scoring after a huge run beautifully set up by Pete Johnson. An unnamed winger showed enormous guts just to have played let alone attempting to sprint 50 metres in a match race on one leg ! We eventually got back to 2-1 and then after some more superb forward runs by Pesty, Tink, Pup & skip, Kiwi went to half back and fired it to Tte who smashed one defender into orbit before crashing over from about 90 metres out. It was 2-2, the ref called full time and the Nasties, on a countback had won the Golden Oldies Section of the tournament. 

After a few beers and some very fine womens rugby  it was back on the topless bus for a ride back to the hotel with much laughing and song. Once there we had a quick dip in the pool and then got ready to head off to the casino for dinner. The dinner was excellent and helped to lift the saddened wallabies supporting crowd ! The speakers were engaging and hilarious and from there the lads partied well into the night. 

DAY 3 

After a very late night the lads arrived at Frogs On The Waterfront for a recovery breakfast with the other teams. The hospitality was awesome and the boys were again hitting their straps with the bloody marys going down a treat. 

We lost a boatrace before heading off to the pier for a seafood lunch and an afternoon that would provide many moments of fun and emotion. It was here that the team was gathered for the tour presentations which were made by Skip & Tink, afterwhich each of the lads had the opportunity to speak their mind about the tour & what the Nasties meant to them. Nothing more needs to be said other than the fact that the Nasties mean a lot more to each and every one of us than we had all ever imagined. From the luncheon at the pier it was into a stretch limo and off to the airport. 

The winners of the tour awards were as follows : 

Best Tourist On Gondola        Hoff – laughed with a little nervousness 300 metres up

Best Tourist All Round           Matty Read –but only after the Axe slept at the brekky 

Best Back On Gondola           Johnny – the only back & the 1 most likely to be eaten

Best Back All Round              Colin Scott (awesome defence) & Flynnie (massive try)

 Best Forward On Gondola     Tte, whos calves could feed the G6 for weeks on end.

Best Forward All Round        Pesty – smashed everything that moved 

Players Player                          Adam Peate – Great try & came back from surgery 2 party hard 

Golden Boylo                         Notso on debut & kiwi for tour consistency 

Golden Nellies                        Notso & Tink for leaving the pub to have a sleep